Despite the world’s downfall, 2020 has been a very good year in my life. Of course, there have been a few downs and most of them are eliminated by now. The main part contained new people I met via another new person and eventually I could trust my inner self and my first feelings that this was not any good persons, at all. The relation to this group of persons got eliminated and nobody got hurt or actually do care, at all.
Nevermind them, they are not worth any attention at all. A few others also did put med down and at the same time, I do believe there are a few who will be very disappointed in me.
This is where this episode swims into the picture, just like Kaj.
This fall I moved houses. I moved further away from the harsh reality and the central city of Stockholm. I really started my life in my new home focusing on writing my music & my lyrics and to game on.
I realized a few things over the last couple of years and somewhere in October seeing other people’s behavior and what I got back from certain was no neither good enough nor what I want or deserve. So, living in a socialist country should be equal for all, except for the elite sitting in the government or being exclusively picked by them. Sort to say. All who remembers the Soviet Union or DDR know what the fvkk I do talk about there.
So I decided to let everything go and just keep a few things pounding around me. It started even before October, like last spring, but it took a while to shape it all and see what was there. It takes time to prove the quality of certain issues, things, and or persons.
Leaving people behind does not mean that certain people ever did anything wrong or act badly. It just means that you mind about yourself and your own best.
I do have my long term true friends that I had since the 1980´s and early 1990´s. The ones I know I can rely on day & night. For them, I will always be there and be what they do expect me to be.
For the others, I will not be what they do expect, I will just be me. Because for many of them, what they do expect is not what I do want from myself anymore.
My mistake was that I did too many things with too many different things with too many persons around or involved. Again, nothing towards these people just my own mind. Once again I laid myself behind for supplying others and that is not right. So I did cut with most people around, in general, to focus on my major interests and so far I´ve been nothing but right.
Also a great maneuver of 2020 been my profession, my job, and what it gives to me.
You see I did DJ, do beverage tastings and classes, lead a beer club, organize events & clubs, promote gigs, etc.
So I dropped most of it to hold my ground.
By the end of the day, I´ve done it all over and around. I´m fed up with the extravaganza.
I´ve shone up according to my colleagues and there are other things that will never be in your knowledge declared and sorted in a very good way. Day by day they do come more and more inside of me and I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing for myself.
Brutal egoism, cynism and direct instinct of survival.
No more, no less.
So inner peace, less stress, writing, walking, gaming, and feeling the darkness inside of me. I also finally got a proper home where I can implant my soul and mark my damnation in each corner, each day and each night.