Tremendous Summer this far.


It might sound odd saying that before saying this,

just the fact that even if certain things are %/€&€%&%, it does

not automatically mean your whole life is destroyed

and you end up on cheap alcohol and pills, no.


The last couple of months just been like a stressful


Made a few decisions and have total

control of my situation for the first time

in years despite the stress.

Some things needed to be left behind.

All unanswered.

The necessary knowledge came from somewhere else.

To fulfill this omission of chaos and congenital esophageal

errors and do not stress up to much mentally I needed

to leave things right where they were and never suppose

to take bring up again.

As suffer Tuberculum Majus Fractur at the same time

meaning soon six months of sleeping problems.

Waking up several times per night in pain

does not make things easier. Also, this means

an involuntary break into doing my favorite hobbies:


play guitar, play pinball, go swimming.


Life is really no fun at all at this moment, therefore.

Well, I am not the guy sit at home whine about such


I do live my life on a daily basis and do what the heck I can

to make it comfortable:

Go to gigs, host beer tastings and other events, try to get my

orchestra of death metal to record, hang out with the people,

walk long and peaceful walks etc


The shoulder fractures are taken care of too, but the doctor

says it takes approximately 10 months to heal so he will

not have a second look at it before the fall. Still under control

and there is a plan for it. Good enough for me and calming my



Now a few days to rest my soul and body

(hopefully, they meet at the same level again).

So I will just swim in the eternal flood of rock and or roll,

poetry, horror movies, great food, and tasteful liquid.


The meaning of life.


Everlasting fires

Yesterday afternoon I hurried out from the office and nearly ran through the streets over the heart of the city via old town to the south central. I were in a state of shock and panic and headed from bar to bar had pint after pint trying to realize what the hell was going on. Eventually, I took a deep breath and walked home to catch some sleep.

For yesterday I had an original plan just to go home, relax and play some excellent vinyl. Chilling and warm up for tonight’s concert by Metallica at the Stockholm Globe Arena aka the golf ball. Then again I got proven how fast your life can change.

Just before leaving the office my doctor called me. I had over a year of investigations for esophageal complications. Been suffering from them since my trauma with Boerhaave Syndrome the summer of 2005. He told me that I most likely suffer from Achalasia, it is not dangerous according to him, just a few x-ray sessions and a slight surgery and possible injections of muscle-relaxing medicines.

Then you should know that I now at the same time suffers from a fracture in my shoulder that does not heal as expected so I might need a surgery for that one, too.

So, after having years of complications with learning to live with new handicaps, (learn to swallow food and fluid with a synthetic windpipe, learning to walk and talk again after being beaten to death by a manic junkie and living life with absolutely zero olfactories, the hardest of them all being a sommelier, have to start over and learn me the senses of taste and all that comes with it) I have to go through another diagnosis with everything included. I have to go to all appointments with the doctors, do x-rays, do surgery and then get well and go back to life and hope that the shit helped out one more time.

The same with the bloody shoulder.

Sometimes I just go and wonder if it is just would be easier to stay in pain and continue to suffer. Like now, that is what I do, I can hardly sleep due to the pain in the shoulder but I am still at the office each morning doing my missions. I have always been like that, a warrior fighting for my right to enjoy life.

Waking up today I just had all that panic, shock and fear thrown away. I do have a very exciting time of my life coming up starting with Metallica tonight followed by a great party week as my favorite bar in Stockholm along Akkurat and Nya Carnegiebryggeriet, Oliver Twist turns 25. There will come brewers, beer legends and fanatics from all over the world and I will see faces I am missing hardly at this great celebration AND I will do some DJ-sets, not playing metal music, just great music. Then there will be a few days reigning with super great shows from absolutely top artists in my world such as Under the Church, Lik, Johnny Marr, Jex Thot, Wolfbrigade, Sleep & eventually Iron Maiden finishing off the spring and getting us ready for the summer.

The summer might be long, as awaiting my bloody surgeries and medical investigations I can not book anything up at all. I´ve claimed holidays in August but might just have to stay home and then I can bloody work, if not I do have trips to England and Italy on my mind, if not I save up money and go for a trip to the west coast of the United States of America to taste beer and wine in the fall. Who knows.

So, my point is: despite you go through rough times, loneliness & medical disorders, look at all the good quality you still have in your life and take care of it, enjoy it, live it. I´ve met children in the townships of South Africa being brought into the civilized worlds completely rock bottom having hopes and dreams of life. It is ok to feel sorry for a night because you have to go down in your deep self and cry out the knowledge of yet another defeat in life, feel it, take the pain out of it to vanquish the tough times. Whether it is medical complications, just harsh times or your lover dumped you stay with your hopes and dreams and do not let the shit in life drag you down.

I hope to see some unexpected faces down Oliver Twist this week.