Reflections and summaries. The more I do see, the more I do get, the more I am convinced I am right at one certain direction. I need to set more things a side. New projects coming at me. New schools and other ambitions. Away fromthe past, further away. I did not know but I told myself this saga years ago, now the story is clear in mind.

Time to go back inside and see what strength can do.


The thrill of the surgery just increased as the hospital called me to inform me about the preparations for tomorrow…

Immense nervous breakdowns and my vision provide me with a personal world downfall.

First: Undergang and Pissgrave


To Be Continued…

Ten minutes later, ten minutes closer. Fifteen minutes too far away. The subject of dreams, the realm of everything that is absolutely not what we want or is it what we really do want? Communication fails. I will not turn back. Sometimes things cannot be or happen, most of them as it seems. I just know that this is happening and I am walking that direction, just taking a slight turn for what to come, this it just never been.

Ten it got me again, like every autumn…  Filmnerdery, mean, in these days of cheap films on sale, I buy as many DVD/BluRays on sale as possible and just watch a few of them. Most likely the ones I already saw. So, licking wounds on Friday after hospital means I will clip 3-4 films directly and kick it all off. So for a few weeks after I will just join life at a few selected gigs.


The mending of the wind pipe part of my throat, (the thing causing my Achalasia), supposed to be a simple engagement for the doctors. Still convinced something will go wrong. Just pre-paring to fight a few more battles, then. Getting used to fight medical issues. Been part of my life since 2005.

I wonder what happen in death. If we move into some spiritual reincarnation in Universe-B, heaven or just getting maggot eaten six feet under.

Well, as died a few times over the years, I do believe that there is something there and death is not just the end.

I do think a lot about life and death. I met both a few times by now and I fought bought a few times by now.

One sure thing is that I was more alive before dying in 2012. So maybe all that is left is just a pointless zonbie pissing people off with going his own way and not follow the horde of humans. I do not act, do or believe anywhere near most people I met. You do not have to. Feel free to be yourself and no one else.

Two more days before mending of certain body parts… rest on Friday and all in on Saturday. Mist likely go and see Undergang tomorrow as they play in the city. Some Danish Death Metal will not hurt.

Also, they sell a split cassette w tour nates Pissgrave that looks interesting.

Whether if I do not survive surgery or not, then I featured myself in the Death Metal Scene from 1987 to the very end…

It’s the day after the election and everybody I talked to seems pissed over the result, no matter who they’d support. Myself I just accept whatever there will be and tries to sort my days at best possible standards.

More important, some of my health issues will be treated so I do see a near future where I will focus on writing and watch movies besides working on my band and our up an coming recording and live show. See how body will act after the minor surgery for Achalasia. It will as well be time for some more nerdery and hopefully will record next podcast, too. Having a thought of a diversion on the contents.

I’ll see what will come or not.

Time just flies and alone I walk, see the days get shorter and the dark nights be longer. It is the autumn of 2018 and I will enjoy it.