completely mentally murdered after the last months and just sinking deeper… nothing or nobody can save me in the dark… I need my autumnal fall down… and no worries… everything is under control as long as I do not need to face other humans… other people just stresses me, I’m better off alone… just need to fall down yet more in my silent darkness… it normally ends up in massive creation…

Destiny just decided things I do believe.

I turn around. Walk towards my own thoughts and beliefs. Most likely I do have to. My torch can not start the fire when it is only me whom can feel the heat.

It is like everytime I cry. I cry for what I did never do. Not for what I’ve done. I’ve learned so much from dying inside time after time. I just do not know how to practice my knowledge upon myself.

There is so much beyond. All them unhunted treasures. Viewed it yesterday I did? Or is it just one of the lumpy tricks, trying to fool me?

Let me first get what I want. If I do want it all. Maybe I do not know no more.

I just did hit the lights and fell off.

Emotional emaciated, maybe more than ever. I do not know what is wrong. What if everything is wrong? Need to calm down and dissappear. Lay a part of my life behind.

So much in front of me. Not looking that forward so much these days.

I do not know what I left behind and where. I just know that it is something put aside somewhere. I do not know if I do need to pick it up again or if it should be left in that corner, wherever it may be. I do mot know if time will tell me.

I found something new. Something that can brew. If my feets walks the path. That certain path.

I’ll stay indifferent until proven wrong.

There will might be a day when I do again play that song.

Lying in a bed at hospital awaiting surgery for the fracture in my shoulder. Unfortunately the clash of dates do mean that I miss the Master Class Tasting with Glen Farclas at Akkurat Whisky Club tonight.

Nothing to do.

Secondwise I try to figure out best way to go home from here this afternoon.

See what will become out of all of this. In best case I soon play guitar again.

Summer holidays over, yeah, that week was a quickie BUT I managed to visit places, travel some, see Iggy Pop, drink tremendois amounts of beer, spend more money than expected and ya, you know the drill… As being alone there is no meaning of taking long holidays, but next summer I aim to stay for a bit more than 37 hours at my family’s summer house. I can have longer stays over the weekends if the train times match job etc

So immediately I went back to have a AW at this Irish bar in the dirtiest part of Stockholms old town. I’m so blunted after all them years fighting injuries and handicaps and at the same time been the loneliest person you’ve heard of, so I even do become grumpy towards myself lately.