Early tmrw morning I will face one of my deaths again. Caused by my 2005 trauma or vice versa they finally found out after all these years that I most likely suffer from Esophageal Achalsia. So contrast x-ray to proove them right and then later this month I do meet the doctor to see if there will be a surgery coming or what the heck is going on with that.

So, my story as a main character in the lyrics from the first two Carcass-records floods amd I just sail on and on. No wonder I play “near death metal” with my band, still.

Tmrw night I will, hours after the x-ray, via a shift on my lardy ass in the office-chair, finally spend a silent night at home. Listening to vinyls and maybe do some writing or reading and just pretend I am the last lost soul up on this earth.

Esophageal Alchasia, as cool as it might be to prounounce, as horrible it is to live through. I’d always been sure that I’ll one day will be taken by the aftermaths of the 2005 Boerhaave Syndrome-trauma and I know it can kick off any day like in today or like in 66 years. Just convinced it will happen and before it will happen I do have a few things to do so now it is time for production.

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Some Mondays are more Mondays than others.

Few hours of work left and then a trip to the local Tivoli to see a gig by 90s icon Beck.

Two days of work, beer event and doctors appointments to follow.

There’s definitely no time to relax, as every June every year.

I sort of like it.

One out of many things I do like is when you got posts with long-sought meanings and messages, I use them a lot myself, why people who do not know me well got a big problem with understanding me.

I am not really the fella “you know”. My face and voice might be familiar but you certainly do not know me. It takes more than that.

I am no average Joe and I take absolutely no shit.

If you are not brave enough to put it up in front of my face, then you are not worth my attention.

I used to be such a coward & twat when I was younger. I’ve spread so much shit out of my lips some 15-20 years ago that it was hilarious. I am far beyond that certain time of my life since many years and I took myself so much further.

Just telling you before you go on poop out shit about me being strange/weird, because I can bloody hear you.

Yes, I bloody can!

If you do not know me and never even tried, then shut the hell up and leave me alone.

Such low intelligent behaviour is very unsuitable the year 2018. We got so much better things around such as modern beer, great music and spend more energy to have a laugh with someone than at someone.

I am almost at the top of my life by now.

You should try it, too.

Last few weeks did probably contain the weirdest rollercoaster ride of my life with just being life with a packed schedule. I was going up and down really, really fast. Most likely I could not do anything else but hold on. Some parts were frightening, some jolly and some really dull. Some were fantastic and some parts were a bit overrated and overestimated and forecasted way too high.

So is just life. Just happening. Everything always went on somewhere else, as usual. I am the grand master of taking the wrong path (most time finds my way back again after some weird adventures).

Last few weeks were packed and the tempo of the damned called.

Now I do look forward to a slower summer and I will definitely just not patch so much on my calendar from now. I hope the rain and darkness and cold attacks Sweden as I am allergic to the weather someone imported from Sahara or something. I can manage a day or two with bright, hot sun, then I need my cold breezes and grey skies again.

I am in love with October. Soon I hope my love will come back to me again.

Tonight I am back on normal phase. Normal speed. Back on the island close to my sleep.

Back in daydreams and slumber, dominations and number. Where I can feel who I do believe is really me.

Swedish and specially Stockholmian Death Metal is legendary. I grew up in this world and from the age of 12 I was literally raised by Dead & Jens from Morbid. I listened to their tapes along the Mefisto demos day and night in the year of 1987.

Many of the gigs by Morbid, Nihilist, Treblinka & Dismember in the early days were located at Ultra Huset, later Hunddagis and in 1988 I premiered my devotion to Death Metal with my band Casket. Pelle aka “Dead” came along and watched. A very strong memory for a very young boy. Pelle were a great person and he was interested in art at a stage that I did not seen before. We spent many hours talking about art. Like it was our little secret.

I can not remember if I first saw Morbid play at Ultrahuset or another location but it was definitely there from the beginning.

I owe a lot to Jens of Morbid for those days.

When I was bullied by other older persons because I was the youngest, Jens and this guy from Merciless, Karlén, stepped in and took my side. Dictated that enough is enough and they liked to hang with me. Jens later helped me out with my book a lot and is still a giant upon my shoulder.

Back to the main subject, this person, Tompa Eken, I do not know if he invented Ultra Huset in the early eighties or not but he was baking cinnamon rolls, “ultra bullar” back then and booked bands. He still is, today he moved his turbulence from the suburb of Handen to a spot south central in Stockholm City, Kafé 44.

He is booking todays underground scene such as my ex girlfriends sons punk band Jönssonligan (I made him debut on a death metal record with Crucifyre at the age of ten so I take some bloody credits for supporting his efforts, despite what the mother says).

We owe all this to him, giving us the chance to play and to meet each other at a very young age to start with. There will never ever in my world be a greater local hero than Tompa Eken, booking vands, mixing culture and care for young and lost souls. More human than human.

Jens, Karlén, TG, LG & I are still friends and in contact. Seven years ago something happened. Someone bought the whole of Morbids back catalogue for the first ever official release and Morbid hosted a release party at Kafé 44, booked by Tompa Eken, of corpse…. The money they got from the release were held in a fund and supposed to be divided in a scholar ship every year and the the first year had the one and the first price taker were the truest cult hero Jon”Metalion” Kristiansen from Sarpsborg in Norway.

Then nothing happened with that scholarship for a few years and I met them up at the annual old-school invite only party arranged by the one and only Jens Näsström. So they took on the ball and in honour of the great Tompa Eken I must here qoute King Diamond:

“7 years have gone, it can no longer be left undone

The candle must be burn again, and pain

Must follow the unholy flame

So burn… burn… burn

And free the spirit from its chain”

My first ever played death metal show was at Hunddagis in 1988 and was visited by my great friend and art colleague, Pelle ‘Dead’ Ohlin, a fantastic person I had the honour to become a friend with. Also a connection to the great Tompa Eken.

Tonight, we go back to where we came from, to the true underground of Stockholm Death Metal. We go to Kafé 44, we do not need to scream at any censorship or wimps or posers to leave the building. They are not invited. It is the release party for the new record by ppl from the true old school Under The Church, also LIK is playing and Morbid will give their scholarship away to someone.

Thank you so much Tompa Eken for all this. Only death is real and you bloody know it!