feels like I lost contact with all and everything. there are just few that even bothers. I do have a mission, when it’s past and beyond there is just nothing left.
some days you just feel like you do not exist at all. that you never meant something. you are nothing but useless. unwanted in society. just a annoying existence to others. you have no where to go. no one is listening. no one do see you. nobody lays their thoughts on you. nobody wants to touch you.
there will always be parts of life that will be kind of insipid, for years it´s more or less been like that. like I am fading away, become more & more unintresting to people, feel more & more that I might not belong here in this part of the world, maybe I should change something… move, maybe I should stay here and fight… there are many questions… maybe I just need to be loved… just for a moment… maybe it is all that I need… or maybe it is not what I do need. I am just becoming more and more speechless… more and more distant from humanity…
As most people having some sort of interest in me at all know by now. 2019 is the year of personal evolution. So besides spending time at the office, in DJ-booths, in the rehearsal studio with my band, watching gigs, host tastings at Fjäderhomarnas Bryggeri or sit at Akkurat drinking beer, I do take studies. Two of them will soon be finished, not too sure I will make the complete examination in one of them, as the course is quite wide and my main interest is just in one of the three divisions. Nevermind, I´ll do my best. The other one should be done so by the end of this month I might do have more diplomas. Later, there is another course I´ve just started and I do hope that I can take place on graduation on the 1st of July.
Spring arrived in Stockholm and the adventures await me one by one. Hard o believe but I actually do have friends, most international though, and it looks like I will see a few of them (unfortunately not the U.K.-based league) in the next 30 days. That is exactly what I do need. My absence from humans is not doing me well in the end. Back home I do try to see ppl on a weekly basis, at least over a beer at Akkurat. Still, sometimes you need more. See ppl on short sessions can make myself feel lonely and a bit sad. Just have to face my situation in life and priority for my personal evolution the year 2019.
the spring action is go and the first seeds of the pollen pollution has hit me hard. so I do hope there will be a rainy dark burning Roadburn Fest as they do have some sort of pollen in Tilburg I am getting horribly sick of. on top of that I wrecked my knee last week so the meniscus is out of line. a minimum of 10 weeks accompanied by a cane awaits me.
soon to be entitled the busiest man in the world… I am bloody booked up every day with something over the whole of april and then in may I left doors open because of because of because of because of… not too many official appearances announced at moment but do not forget to check the upcoming dates section of this site, you´ll never know when something is up. aye, I do finish this up with my first annual ode to the late killjoy of necrophagia, I´ll go have a quick beer in your honor on the way home from work before studies set the pace for tonight. wherever you are, reign in bloody gore*!
*for those NOT itk, killjoy was a great fan of gore, cannibal and splatter movies. so it is with pleasure I do remember him for what was a big part of his life.