On my way back from Tilburg, again. Metherlands Deathfest, amazing.
did just go through pictures from a journey many years ago… I looked like sh*t them days but darn, I got laid frequently haha. anyhow got a bit sentimental and went through a transcendental journey through the memory lane. it almost all became real again. all the memories of all moments came back and were present. jolly good times with excellent music & company.
there is actually not anything that could be destroyed. so should not hesitate. I start with me. to see if a thing can be. always this and or that.
many are them days now past. I had a hope and a dream. there is a second coming. I just do not know if I should. maybe I just should. just should.
feels like I lost contact with all and everything. there are just few that even bothers. I do have a mission, when it’s past and beyond there is just nothing left.
some days you just feel like you do not exist at all. that you never meant something. you are nothing but useless. unwanted in society. just a annoying existence to others. you have no where to go. no one is listening. no one do see you. nobody lays their thoughts on you. nobody wants to touch you.
there will always be parts of life that will be kind of insipid, for years it´s more or less been like that. like I am fading away, become more & more unintresting to people, feel more & more that I might not belong here in this part of the world, maybe I should change something… move, maybe I should stay here and fight… there are many questions… maybe I just need to be loved… just for a moment… maybe it is all that I need… or maybe it is not what I do need. I am just becoming more and more speechless… more and more distant from humanity…