A grey, sad, boring wednesday gav birth to these thoughts

I am most likely considered as well esoteric as proper occult by several people with some knowledge about me. Before you judge this, maybe you should look up both of the words esoteric and occult. They are often mistranslated or misunderstood by many people. So if you were wrong in your translation of my first meaning, then you are most certainly not alone.

With that comes dedication and loyalty. This is for good and bad and I can be considered very intense therefor, which I am very aware of myself, why I do warn people sometimes what to expect and how to handle it to keep it up at it´s best.

Still looks like whatever I say, people are not listening and that puts me in trouble, despite I instructed them just not to reach trouble. I ask them to be communicative and tell me the ups and especially the downs. People do not seem to like to tell me things. I do certainly hear things about myself from others telling me that this and or that person had an opinion about me.

When I do confront the person being pointed out, denials and excuses often fly out of their mouths and we do rarely get further than the fact that I am getting sadder because people do have a problem staying sincere in their communication towards me.

The more I live through these facts, the more cynic I become and the more distance from other people being taken by me.

I´ve acted like that pretty much myself many, many years ago and it left me with some wound that can never be healed. So I do know what I am talking about.

I am what I am, no more no less, take it or leave it. If you leave it, just say so, so I can walk on further towards my personal faith and believes to one day just disappear in my own nothingness.

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