Life ends. All life ends one day.

Some end their own life.

I just read about a daughter.

Missing her father.

He committed suicide last year.

On fathers day, she still saluted him.

Posting a song they sang together.

I do not know what demons you are

wrestling with when you are successful,

have a loving family etc

Just mean that you can not escape from them.

You can not buy your way away from the suicide demon.

My self, I love my life too much to even consider such thing.

Aswell as I do have a few missions to complete before

I go somewhere else.

 

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Tremendous Summer this far.

 

It might sound odd saying that before saying this,

just the fact that even if certain things are %/€&€%&%, it does

not automatically mean your whole life is destroyed

and you end up on cheap alcohol and pills, no.

 

The last couple of months just been like a stressful

rollercoaster.

Made a few decisions and have total

control of my situation for the first time

in years despite the stress.

Some things needed to be left behind.

All unanswered.

The necessary knowledge came from somewhere else.

To fulfill this omission of chaos and congenital esophageal

errors and do not stress up to much mentally I needed

to leave things right where they were and never suppose

to take bring up again.

As suffer Tuberculum Majus Fractur at the same time

meaning soon six months of sleeping problems.

Waking up several times per night in pain

does not make things easier. Also, this means

an involuntary break into doing my favorite hobbies:

 

play guitar, play pinball, go swimming.

 

Life is really no fun at all at this moment, therefore.

Well, I am not the guy sit at home whine about such

matters.

I do live my life on a daily basis and do what the heck I can

to make it comfortable:

Go to gigs, host beer tastings and other events, try to get my

orchestra of death metal to record, hang out with the people,

walk long and peaceful walks etc

 

The shoulder fractures are taken care of too, but the doctor

says it takes approximately 10 months to heal so he will

not have a second look at it before the fall. Still under control

and there is a plan for it. Good enough for me and calming my

nerves.

 

Now a few days to rest my soul and body

(hopefully, they meet at the same level again).

So I will just swim in the eternal flood of rock and or roll,

poetry, horror movies, great food, and tasteful liquid.

 

The meaning of life.

 

My crushes always crashes and now even my boat rides do.

Nevermind. 5 days of work and then a entire week of fun before I will be back in the sea of madness for a few weeks again. Great M.O.A.S. will be open for lunch all summer so I can do my kebab ritual every single Wednesday. Now weather, then sports…

Early tmrw morning I will face one of my deaths again. Caused by my 2005 trauma or vice versa they finally found out after all these years that I most likely suffer from Esophageal Achalsia. So contrast x-ray to proove them right and then later this month I do meet the doctor to see if there will be a surgery coming or what the heck is going on with that.

So, my story as a main character in the lyrics from the first two Carcass-records floods amd I just sail on and on. No wonder I play “near death metal” with my band, still.

Tmrw night I will, hours after the x-ray, via a shift on my lardy ass in the office-chair, finally spend a silent night at home. Listening to vinyls and maybe do some writing or reading and just pretend I am the last lost soul up on this earth.

Esophageal Alchasia, as cool as it might be to prounounce, as horrible it is to live through. I’d always been sure that I’ll one day will be taken by the aftermaths of the 2005 Boerhaave Syndrome-trauma and I know it can kick off any day like in today or like in 66 years. Just convinced it will happen and before it will happen I do have a few things to do so now it is time for production.

Some Mondays are more Mondays than others.

Few hours of work left and then a trip to the local Tivoli to see a gig by 90s icon Beck.

Two days of work, beer event and doctors appointments to follow.

There’s definitely no time to relax, as every June every year.

I sort of like it.

One out of many things I do like is when you got posts with long-sought meanings and messages, I use them a lot myself, why people who do not know me well got a big problem with understanding me.

I am not really the fella “you know”. My face and voice might be familiar but you certainly do not know me. It takes more than that.

I am no average Joe and I take absolutely no shit.

If you are not brave enough to put it up in front of my face, then you are not worth my attention.

I used to be such a coward & twat when I was younger. I’ve spread so much shit out of my lips some 15-20 years ago that it was hilarious. I am far beyond that certain time of my life since many years and I took myself so much further.

Just telling you before you go on poop out shit about me being strange/weird, because I can bloody hear you.

Yes, I bloody can!

If you do not know me and never even tried, then shut the hell up and leave me alone.

Such low intelligent behaviour is very unsuitable the year 2018. We got so much better things around such as modern beer, great music and spend more energy to have a laugh with someone than at someone.

I am almost at the top of my life by now.

You should try it, too.