unfortunately, these days were coming once again. unused, unabused. so much to offer, so much to give, so much knowledge. it just ended there that night. lost. they think I am confused I am not, just looking for a yet another way to protect myself. the problem must be me as it can not be the rest of this world. when I was an idiot I was popular and shining. now when harmless and wise so unattractive to all there is here. it is like that way too often, the bigger idiot the more popular, the less knowledge the more attractive. just gave up these thoughts but a computer nerd asked me if my world was ruled by hackers, maybe he is on to something. and about on to something this thing came up and cannot leave my mind. that is why I write. to see if I can find what is ever there. my thoughts and my words will never stop as long as this world is attracting the piece I will definitely not never understand for my life. this subject, I know I am not alone, but it sort of rules among us. time to finalize and end this day and see if tomorrow delightfully can give me something else, hopefully, something more contending these hours after five pm.
there is no one there to fill out the needs. it is all over. over.
for many years I did look at something and walk with my head up high.
now since many moons my tail is down and there is nothing that breathes beside.
a black hole. my room. my home. my destiny. my place at heart.
just a very nothing or even less.
once again folding. another faith went to rest. this downfall is annoying. soon hard to rise from what there is. who knows were to climb? what leads me further? when will it be too late to escape? when will I forever fall or rise? once I had a something. once I was filled with dreams. now it feels like everything flickers and the final call is the only thing this countdown is all about. as I walk this path into my forever living for my own ends without them who can not help to decorate or to make me scream. they must be somewhere here. alone drowning in todays darkness, waking up in another tomorrow the illusions may not be real but they let me know how alive I am.
this time of the year again when you lie down deep and burps around in the dirtiest ashes. you’ve lost faith in life. you can not visualize your hopes and dreams. other persons you thought you loved just makes this for you. they drag you down, leave you helpless deep below. everytime you need to rise again all by yourself. your love and friendship ends up justvas a forgotten past. you can no more pleased or amused. you’re not even going for the dirt. you do not fear the future as you just ticked everything off. like you close the light when you leave a room. you just shut everything with a meaning to your life off. a typical monochrome syndrome. was it worth it?
some days are longer than others and gives you less left. or that is what you can remember it for because of the lack of action, like for me today. home called in sick from work (I have a major Al Bundy Man-cold, so I am definitely dying) and been flickering between DVD-films and computer nonsense with nothing in particular in my remainder except a Mogwai ticket, been looping some of their four records I actually own these days according to my computer ( Mr. Beast, Hardcore will never die, but you will, Special Moves and Les Revenants Soundtrack)I know I bought Come on die young back in the late nineties when first heard of them and saw them play live in Malmö out of all cities in the year 2003. so just because I was doing nothing I reminded myself of Mogwai, I spin them a few times a year and I always enjoy their live sets and tomorrow will be the first gig I will ever see at that certain venue. so this day of complete nothingness actually gave me a whole world of instrumental dimensions again.
been down in bed since I left work last Friday a few hours before the shift was ending as my nose was dripping fluid in floods and I started to cough badly. well living in Sweden you´ll catch one of these each fall. now I feel good enough to enter the sphere of the office tomorrow morning and see what is up with what there is.
there is some national soccer on my television in the background and I am failing with a mixtape I am recording now haha I probably publish it anyhow. so I can have a laugh myself. do mixtapes home is sort of different for me. as I do not have any line out from the mixer suiting my speakers in my temporary home, I have no pre-listening to the songs as my headphones do the whole sound and the channels are not working with that. hard to explain as some of you might not be familiar with DJ-mixers but what the heck. not taking things to serious about that these days. I mainly just make mixes with songs I like this moment and if I fail with the technical things, then so what. songs will still be there and I can listen. that is why they were produced from start.
so then it came to me again. thoughts about the book I released. as like no one ever said a word. I believe no one really gets it. because the lyrics are far from correct either grammatical or by word as some words are stolen and or made up. the same with the grammar. it is mostly based on song lyrics and then words are shifted or removed in full because the line should suit the vocal melody and the way the text is pronounced into the song. this goes for many songs. you can not write them in correct language because it will destroy the vocal part of the song. and as most people did not hear the songs they have yet fewer references to its base. well as I told people, buy it for the piece of art it is and not for a challenger for any Nobel-prize in literature. the next two books in this trilogy will differ and why the first part was an art book? well, you will see that day when the other two parts are published.
having a Californian friend coming to this city in just a few weeks and we will sail the Close-Up cruise with no less than 9 bands playing in 23 hours will be:
more than excited for that.
this week mostly excited for Voivods gig here this Saturday. supported but no less than earth ship, the lurking fear, and the ex-nameless ghoul henrik palm.
originally my 24-week training program should set off today but my illness postponed that issue to next week.
conclusion: thurston moore is my favorite musician (not band) that is alive of today
feel free to post any questions in the commentaries